Dear Jackson,

Okay, it’s not quite a week but it already feels like it and you haven’t even left yet. Or did we leave you? …  No one is leaving anyone! We’re all just taking the opportunities and experiences that come our way and living life to the fullest! … Right? As you can see, I’m conflicted. Your father is so kind to completely understand and support my freelance jobs when they pop up… we don’t even have to discuss it, it’s always yes. I really appreciate that about your father. Soooo we arranged for tutu and grandpa (Judd) to watch you for 5 days – FIVE days! It didn’t seem like that long when I first approached them with the idea. Of course they said yes and couldn’t be more excited to see you and have you all to themselves! But for me, as the days go by and our brief separation gets closer… I’m starting to lose my mind.

Last night I had some weird dreams… and today I’m starting to miss you. Yes, you’re right here in front me. In fact, you’re sitting on my lap right now. How a mother can miss her child when he’s RIGHT HERE is beyond understanding yet all mothers must at the same time completely understand. Everything you’ve done today… from greeting me with “mama!” when I finally emerged from my bed this morning… to snatching my phone to watch grandpa’s 70th birthday video montage – there’s some pretty groovy music on the soundtrack – dancing around the living room like a little monkey and laughing your “fake” laugh at all of grandpa’s silly faces… to running around like a madman and diving into your mini couch head first (this happens the minute we remove your diaper – “naked baby!”)… to hearing your favorite words exclaimed with such excitement and pure joy that they always put a smile on my face – these include “Big truck! Bubbles! Outside! Fish! Smoothie! Colorier! (“coloring” in French), Encore! (“more” in French), All done! and, Ball!”…  to (my favorite) when you say “maman, je t’aime, bisous, calin” (“Mom, I love you, kiss, hug” in French) – those hugs and kisses completely melt my heart every single time… it ALL makes me miss you! Great. Now you’ve done it. I’m crying… I just love you sooo much and I know this is silly. After all, you’re simply going to another island for a few days but knowing that I won’t put you to bed, read you your bedtime story or get a hug, kiss and a “bonjour maman” every morning is making my heart ache. Thank goodness for FaceTime & Skype!

Mommy will be dropping you off on the Big Island Monday and you will be flying to Maui with tutu and grandpa on Friday. BUT, mommy just found out that she is going to be working another couple of days on Oahu… so I won’t get to see you until Sunday – I guess it really is a week! Ahhhh… I packed all of your things a few days ago and Skyped tutu to show her everything and talk about your routine. Tutu’s office at the playgroup location is going to feel like a whole new world to you since the last time you saw it one year ago. You are going to have SO MUCH fun with your cousins, aunties, uncles, friends and grandparents! You are in good hands. I’m not at all worried about you. Your daddy is going to read this though and he’ll probably be quite worried about ME! lol

Je t’aime beaucoup mon chou… Maman

PS – I will miss your father too.